that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
