She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
