Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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