So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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