soooo we both peed the bed last night...
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
