I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Just high enough for therapy.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
