is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize