Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
