alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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