Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
