Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
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