well I can't set my house on fire every night
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
We left the knife in your bed.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
