Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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