Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
