I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
