evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize