Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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