i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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