I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
porn star boner night. come get it.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
