i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
