Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
