I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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