nut hugger
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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