Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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