omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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