I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
