anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
