We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
