Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
