just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
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