If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
