Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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