He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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