im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Randomize