I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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