this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I have aggressive nipples.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
