So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize