Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
he fucked my hip out of place.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Randomize
