we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
