You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Randomize
