I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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