moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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