So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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