I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
