I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
