Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
