After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
