I cannot find my penis.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Randomize
