Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I wish you could order shots online.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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