When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
