Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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