i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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