no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
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