Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
