They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize