As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
