Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Randomize
