@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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