I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
