Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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