Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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