i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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