The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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