I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
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