Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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