I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
ttyl tear gas
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
