Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Drunk is not a location!
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Randomize
