I accidentally had phone sex last night
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
